Dear Carrie

I was born on October 21st (Carrie Fisher’s Birthday). And just as Carrie Fisher was embarking on her Princess Leia legacy, I was entering the world flipping everyone off. (I have pictures to prove it). I was just informing everyone that I would be doing things my own way.

Back to Carrie, I find it interesting how being born on the same day, despite the slight age difference, can cause two people to have similar experiences and personality traits. Reading her many books, I knew Carrie had a sarcastic sense of humor similar to my own. (Only she wrote of strung out actors and I chose to write stories involving Hockey and the Detroit Mafia. We both have written stories about destructive relationships—complete with bitter craziness). But it wasn’t until I read her autobiography Wishful Drinking that I realized the similarities didn’t stop there. I felt this deep connection to her as I read the stories of her life—stories that in some respects had an inner tone I recognized all too well. I felt like I was reading my own autobiography—minus the famous parents and drug/alcohol addiction. So I did what any normal, rational, non-hormonal person would do—I wrote her a letter telling her about this phenomenal connection we shared.

Now I am sure you are thinking the same thing I did when I gave birth to such a masterpiece of sanity—she will read this letter that stands apart from the millions of letters she receives daily and she will be blown away by my discovery. We will immediately become best friends. We will sing songs about our exes, write books together about our fucked up lives, and we will support each other between therapy sessions. (Hey, a girl can dream). And I’m sure that any day now I will receive a response from her. (Though in hindsight I probably should have given her my email or cell number to expedite the process). I’m sure she is just taking her time, thoughtfully going over each written word, just as I did when I composed my letter to her.

I bet you are all dying to know what I wrote, so here it goes:

Dear Carrie,

My name is Kelly and I too have the birthdate of October 21st. Your character, Princess Leia, has been a part of my life since the first week of my existence. I’m sure you are wondering how, so I will elaborate.

As you know, our birthdate is just 10 days prior to Halloween. Having just given birth, my mother was unable to create costumes for my older brother and sister. They refused to wear the plastic costumes my father purchased for them so my mother had to quickly come up with a solution. Since Princess Leia wore a plain white dress (which could be constructed quickly out of a sheet) and her hair in buns, my mother turned my sister into you. My sister was not happy since she’s not really a science fiction fan but she had no other choice. And you must know that I take great pleasure in knowing that my birth caused my sister to dress up as a character she didn’t really like. That is why Princess Leia and Star Wars have been favorites of mine ever since. (Honestly, I love my sister now and I don’t like to see her upset). I really do love Star Wars. In fact, I loved it so much that I left my hometown of Detroit to attend USC—George Lucas’ alma mater.

I could go on and on about my love for Star Wars but I will stop here since I know how you feel about the film series that made you into a Pez Dispenser and masturbation resource for millions. I read all about how Star Wars impacted your life in your autobiography Wishful Drinking. (Thought I would mention the title in case you thought I was referring to your “fiction” novels).

Wishful Drinking is actually what led me to my epiphany, my reason for writing you today. Due to our shared birthdate, we have parallel lives and similar personality traits. I know that they have written astrology and birthdate books about how your birthdate can define you. After reading your book and looking at my own life, I believe it to be true. We are so much alike. I felt like I was reading my own autobiography, with just a few, tiny differences. I’m not famous and my parent’s are not famous (though my Dad has been on the front page of the newspaper and appeared on CNN & 20/20—don’t ask). I never had a drug or alcohol addiction. I didn’t have a child with a gay guy (at least not yet). And I was never married to a famous singer/songwriter. Though I did date a former child actor who wrote me an impromptu song on the phone one night while playing the guitar. It was short and sweet but had an impact on me (at the time).

There’s this girl
Her name is Kelly
And she’s the Partinator

Not quite as good as “The Sound of Silence” but it had potential.

But despite those few differences, we are like twins. You have brown hair and brown eyes. I have brown hair and brown eyes. You’re extremely sarcastic. I am extremely sarcastic. You were an actor turned writer. I dropped my theater major at USC to become a creative writing major. (But now I am a photographer but I still write on the side). You married someone famous who still haunts you. I dated someone who was semi-famous (back in the 80s) and still haunts me. You are cursed with bad romantic relationships. I am cursed with bad romantic relationships. You surround yourself with gay men. I too surround myself with gay men—proud fag hag that I am. You live in LA. I live in LA. The list can go on and on.

Isn’t it amazing how much we have in common? I truly believe it is our birthdate and that only those born on October 21st would understand the connection. Only we can truly understand each other. I know you know what I mean. We could help each other; support each other (should you ever wake up with another dead gay guy in your bed. I would be there to support you). I will always understand you and know in my heart of hearts that our bond is unique. We will survive.

Take Care,
Kelly

OK, so I never really mailed this letter to Carrie. I don’t have her address. I know I could go to Hollywood Blvd to get a Star Map then figure it out but that’s too much work. Instead, I will just keep an open mind that maybe, just maybe she will google her name, my blog with pop-up and then she will finally read this. And we will become best friends, blah, blah, blah. Sending letters via snail mail is so passé now. Welcome to the Tech Millennium. It’s all about cyber stalking now!!

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